Don't be fooled by the professional facade that our writers put up when they are covering a story or interviewing an official.

The newsroom here at the News Herald bears a striking resemblance to an elemetary playground. All of the cliche representatives are present and play their parts to the letter.

Rene Cizio- The older kid, usually old enough to be in sixth grade but held back in fifth, who picks on the younger kids and steals their milk money. She puts on a smile for appearances but don't turn your back on her, lest you be hit with a dirt clod in the back of the head. After the first smile, you won't see another one until she's making you eat mud while she guzzles the chocolate milk that you paid for.

Dave Herndon - The mean kid's lackey who may or may not actually be nice. When the dairy fiend is around, her lackey is all cracks and criticisms, but when she's not he is almost pleasant. It could just be another masquerade to lure me into a false sense of security. Then he could tell Rene more about me and tell her that I hide the majority of my milk money in my shirt sleeve rolls.

Alan Burdziak - Dear, sweet, simple Alan. Alan is the one that plays tetherball by himself every recess. He doesn't need real people to be his friends, the ones he makes up are so much more accepting. They don't care that he wears a cape or that he thinks paste is one of the major food groups. Didn't get picked for either kickball team? That's fine. He didn't want to play anyway. He'd rather go swing by himself and see how long he can hang upside down from the jungle gym until he passes out.

Alan

Jackie Harrison-Martin - The nice girl who is friends with everyone and laughs the day away. She even says that you're one of her favorites. But then the job shadow comes in, and she buys him pizza. You never got pizza on your first day.

Dennis Hinzmann - Me. The victim. The sweet child who is a breath of fresh air in the newsroom. I have a fresh take on the news media, and pop culture references. I'm like the new kindergarten student, not the one who cries on his first day separated from his parents, at least, not after nap time. I'm learning the ropes and the hierarchy of the establishment and getting the hang of things. But sabotage lurks at every desk. Keep your friends close, and your crayon box closer.

References to real people in this blog are intentional but behaviors displayed by them may be exaggerated or completely fabricated. Satire in its simplest form: making fun of people.